Chaotic "classes"
Today, I’m finally writing a blog entry again. Warning: I’m complaining again.
The lessons with our current teacher have been so unsatisfying that our class teamed up and first organized a retro (short for retrospective) on our own. Then, we brought in reinforcements in the form of the head of our training institution, who, in turn, summoned an external Scrum Master from one of the affiliated companies. The teacher in question also had to attend.
That was the Tuesday before last, on a day when I wasn’t feeling great in the morning. I felt like I had a cold, but I thought maybe it was just due to poor sleep and that I’d feel better as the day went on. Attending the retro was important to me.
Surprisingly, the retro went well — our feedback was acknowledged and even seemed to be accepted. At least, that’s how it appeared. But as I later heard, nothing has actually improved.
Anyway, my “cold” didn’t get any better and turned out to be a flu-like infection. From the day after the retro, I spent almost an entire week in bed, feeling pretty awful.
Now, I’m healthy again, and the otherwise unpopular teacher has offered to give me some extra help with the math exercises so I can master them too.
Last Saturday, I spent almost the entire day studying and actually understood the material quite well.
This Monday there was another retro to check whether the discussed improvements had been implemented. Since I wasn’t involved this time, I stayed completely out of it, just observing and listening. The retro lasted longer than planned, and probably everyone involved was frustrated — some outright angry. The atmosphere was tense, and I found the whole thing exhausting, even though I didn’t say a single word.
After that, everyone was allowed to go home — except for me and those who had requested extra tutoring. So, at least the promise was kept!
It’s unclear how things will continue. The overall mood is bad, the interim exam is just around the corner, and I don’t think anyone — well, maybe those with prior knowledge — feels well-prepared. I’ve understood the calculations so far, but will I be able to remember everything? There’s always something new coming up that I have no clue about, and all these strange abbreviations are confusing; they’re easy to mix up but hard to memorize.
I’m trying not to stress myself out. It is what it is. When I have the capacity to study, I study. But I can’t cram all day, every day. Sometimes my motivation drops, and I just want to play games or do something enjoyable. In general, I wish for more guidance. I feel largely left alone with a heap of topics and terms. Sometimes, it’s hard to push myself to sort through the chaos without any clear order or structure.
As for the teacher, I was angry at first. Now, I’m not — at least, I’m trying not to be. I’m working with what we have and trying to make the best of it. I hope I can still get a decent grade on the exam despite everything. I’m also trying to stay supportive of everyone, including the teacher. Yesterday, we formed a small study group outside the classroom, and I found it much easier and more enjoyable to learn that way. Today, we studied in a larger group, and one of us played the role of the teacher. In the standard scenario, time seems to pass at a snail’s pace.
Music: -
Mood: mentally exhausted