About perfectionism
A few years ago, I realized that I needed to take better care of my mental health. One of the steps I took to do this was to look at my own spirituality or possible lack of it, but I also wanted to keep something like a diary, this time more consistently than before. So I discovered bullet journaling for myself in a few roundabout ways. In the beginning, I followed the instructions or "guides", of which there are tons on the internet, to a certain extent. I wanted it to be neat and clear. That was really fun, but over the years I've realized what I can do without and what is important for me personally to keep. The latter includes the creative aspect in particular - I just like to make things pretty and often express myself visually. But I also have to-do lists, a certain overview of particular activities such as cycling and the act of writing itself is also important. Admittedly, I very rarely write down profound thoughts, it's usually a very simple reflection of what happened that day.
One principle I picked up somewhere for journaling is this: have a thread or glued binding (which I find the most beautiful anyway) and make it a rule never to tear out a page. The idea behind this is that you correct mistakes (or not?), learn to deal with them differently and be less of a perfectionist. That probably sounds simple, but it really helped me a lot. I've realized that I don't have to radically throw everything "in the trash", but that I can simply correct it and sometimes it even looks nicer and more individual than before.
Perfectionism in art creation
I have also been able to implement this principle in my art journal (also called a sketchbook). I am one of those people who tend to try to keep a "perfect" sketchbook. However, as the name suggests, it is actually intended for sketches. Drafts go in there and ideas are visualized, so why strive for "perfect" drawings? Incidentally, I call my sketchbook an art journal because I use it more as an expression of my feelings and thoughts than for ideas or concepts. But theoretically, anything I can think of can go in it, that's the idea. I'm proud of myself for overcoming some of my perfectionism.
Sometimes I still get so dissatisfied with something that I get annoyed. This was the case just recently when I painted a portrait (still a work in progress). Yes, it should be fun, but with portraits I also have the ambition to create a likeness and I have high expectations of myself.
The conditions didn't exactly make the process any easier for me, I should have been aware of that from the start. Here are the hurdles that I more or less set myself:
- Small format
- Little space
- Small selection of brushes
- Limited selection of colors
The basic problem is the lack of space in our home. That's why I chose the small format in the first place. I rarely paint in large formats even with more space, but it should have been at least A4. The lack of space was a problem when I was painting, when I have my materials on the table and the laptop is also there, I am quite restricted in my movements and have a poor overview of my work utensils. Few paints (I'm talking specifically about acrylic paints) and few brushes is because these things are expensive and having more of them is a luxury for me at the moment. Of course I can mix, but I didn't have any white, for example, just "something white-ish".
Conclusion
Today I tried to revise and improve my "Quasimodo" and in the kitchen while making tea I asked myself: Why is it so difficult in some things to take mistakes more lightly? Even if the picture is so bad, I usually keep all sorts of stuff and paste it into my art journal or something. For example, I'm still in the process of recycling my old bicycle inner tube into art and did the same today with bright pink dishwashing gloves that had become unusable. But a portrait I've messed up is so horrifyingly ugly that it has to be torn to pieces and end up thrown away?
I want to keep working on taking mistakes more lightly and not getting angry about them. Instead, I want to keep them as souvenirs, like the old bicycle inner tube, and then make something else out of them.